The Paradox of Love, 1

The title of this post comes from a book by the French writer Pascal Bruckner. French intellectuals are masters at the art of the aperçu, and Bruckner is no exception. Here is one drawn at random from the first chapter of The Paradox of Love: "The telephone is the spouse for single people, allowing them to be with everyone without having to be close to anyone."

The paradox referred to in the book's title refers to the raptures and tribulations of love in the modern world. The emancipation of the individual has led to certain rights, including choice in matters of love, which, has meant since the early 19th century, for instance, the right to marry for love, that is, the person of one's own choosing, rather than the person chosen for one by one's parents. Consider the novel Pride and Prejudice, the 2005 movie version of which I recently saw. Lizzie Bennet will not be forced to marry Mr. Collins. As portrayed in the movie, she must overcome her own prejudices to recognize the man she is really in love with and will marry.

But we moderns are beyond marriage. The incidence of divorce today indicates the failure of the choice one has made in regard to marriage. The very freedom we insist on often makes us unable to commit to what is the unfreedom of love. Bruckner contends (again in the first chapter), that today "most of us live in a serial polygamy (or a serial monogamy); our lives are governed by the principle of addition. There was John, and then Paul, and then Serge, or Aline, and Diane, and Rachel -- and we could go on to list all the saints in the calendar." Is he also talking about American people? Probably.

Bruckner of course makes the parallel between rise of individual rights and "nascent capitalism." There seem to be so many opportunities, and just as with compulsive shoppers, we don't want to miss out on anything. "Love is an experience we don't want to forego, on the condition that it not deprive us of any other experience." The modern "market" for love is full of beautiful offerings, but most everyone of us has had the experience of not being able to have what we desire. As he reminds us, the tyranny of appearance is as strong as it was in the days of the caveman. What good does freedom do for us, if no one wants us in return?

Women's liberation asserts "my body belongs to me," but it has also led to the free circulation of desirable bodies for men, who now have vastly more choices than women, especially as the latter age.

More anon.

Picture credit: City Lab